Breakups & Divorce
"Perhaps what often determines our happiness in life is the step we take after a setback. There will always be setbacks, and these setbacks often require us to risk again. To love after we have been hurt or lost. To try even after we have failed or been rejected." - John Izzo
What Is It?
An all-too-often neglected part of the relationship cycle, breakups and divorce are a natural and important part of a relational and intimate life. For all we may complain of the little preparation and guidance we are given to actually form and maintain loving relationships, we are offered even less to end them and live well in their aftermath. It took my own divorce to truly recognize the gap in relationship dissolution education and to begin to become aware of the destructive social and cultural scripts that surround "failed" relationships and marriages. These scripts nearly always cause us to experience shame and the end of a relationship as a failure, whether we were the one to leave or the one fighting to stay.
However, the truth is, breakups have the power to transform us in meaningful
ways that intact relationships often cannot, to completely shift our perspective
of success, intimacy, love, compassion, and certainty. Simultaneously, they can
also melt away the images we have of our lives, our futures, and our very
characters. There are many losses in the journey of a breakup or divorce: the
loss of the partner, the loss of belonging, the loss of a routine, the loss of
certainty. But little can prepare you for the the moment you look up, blink, and
realize: now what?
I have been so moved by the gap in support for breakups and divorce,
specifically regarding support for young and childless breakups and divorce
that occur before mid-life, that it has inspired a second birth of a career niche
for me. I have an entire blog called The Breakups Project devoted to helping
others make sense of the breakups process and navigate their way through the
fog to a wiser, deeper, and more meaningful intimate life.
Whether you are a couple looking for support in your uncoupling process, a
person looking for help in surviving the crazy time of divorce, or someone
rising out of the ashes of your former self, therapy can help.