"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." - Thomas Merton
What Is It?
For most of us, our relationships are some of the most important things we have in the world. Often times, we spend most of our lives forming and "maintaining" our relationships rather than truly experiencing them for all that they are. We watch movies and read books about the pursuit of love and passion and end the stories when the characters finally come together and profess their love for and commitment to one another. Unfortunately, life doesn't end there, yet it so often feels like the passion does. So what do we do?
In couples therapy, my ultimate goal is to challenge the idea that things like
passion, excitement, sexual attraction, play, and discovery are just supposed
to die off the longer your relationship lasts. Together, we will build upon your
inspiring strengths and identify the various obstacles to your relationship,
such as the life stressors, painful differences, emotional sensitivities,
communication difficulties and patterns of interaction, and past experiences
you bring into your relationship. We usually hide the parts of ourselves we
fear from our partners, afraid to reveal our vulnerabilities and pain. It is in this
space of fear that we trap ourselves in a single version of our relationship, a
version that quickly runs its course and inevitably dies out. Together, we can
create a new space for your relationship, one where difficult emotional
experiences like fear and shame can be a source of intimacy and connection
rather than a source of pain.
Please feel free to read more about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and
Imago Relational Therapy (IRT) to learn more about my approach.